The last week has been pretty awful. Not paleo-wise, just period. I’m so. freaking. tired. all the time. Then I spent the whole weekend trying to come to grips with the idea of starting the whole nutrition tracking tomorrow and it just stressed me out. And the more stressed I got the more I slept. Now the weekend is gone, I haven’t accomplished anything, and I’m even more stressed out. I just want to sleep, sleep, sleep. Then today I got to thinking that I’ve experienced this before, several times, and when it hit me what it was I was shocked – depression. But Paleo is supposed to cure depression! When the ramifications hit me I was floored. I was upset and confused and it was such an overwhelming thought that I didn’t even want to think about it.
Now, I’ve never been convinced that I’ve ever actually been depressed. I’m not a negative person. I don’t feel “down”. But I will go through periods where I’m just extraordinarily tired. In the past when this has happened I’ve gone to my doctor and he’s put me on anti-depressants despite the fact that the only symptom I’ve ever had that could even be related to depression is the tiredness. Needless to say I do NOT want to go that course now. Leaving my doctor out of the scenario means doing a little self-analyzation. Since I do this as a matter of course anyway it’s fairly easy.
Thankfully, logic is a relatively quick path to follow. When I considered that every other time that I have experienced these same symptoms it was also accompanied by severe stress the bell went off and the dogs started barking.
Every year for Christmas my mother does everything. She decorates her house, buys all the gifts and wraps them, and cooks dinner. All I have to do is show up. I was recently informed that my mother has decided to go to Canada this year and spend Christmas with my brother. Now I don’t have a problem with not having Christmas. I’d just as soon fuhgeddaboudit. I doubt very seriously, however, if my two daughters will permit that. So now I must contend with decorating, shopping, and planning a special feast. Besides this stress I’m still trying to pay the thousands of dollars in medical bills related to my metabolic syndrome. I’ve also been trying to “fall” clean and my exercise equipment is covered in clothes that I need to box up to donate to charity. The kitchen is full of baskets of clothes that need to be washed because I’ve been spending so much time reading and researching Paleo that I’ve let the housework slide. And all of these little stresses add up to a lot of stress that I simply can’t cope with and so…I sleep. As if sleeping will somehow eliminate the stress.
So…you take all of that and add to it the additional stress of attempting to track my nutritional intake and you’ve got a serious meltdown condition. BUT – since I now realize that it’s most likely the stress that’s causing me to be so freaking tired, I no longer feel it’s necessary to track my nutrition. Yay! Now, of course, remains the rather large task of reducing all this stress. Time to take a bite out of the elephant.